


Day 4

by JoansDiary



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 08:25:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6510430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoansDiary/pseuds/JoansDiary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan's first few days as a prisoner in Wentworth</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 4

**Author's Note:**

> *Follow me on Twitter @AnotherRabeBabe

    IF she had to guess how long she'd been there, she wouldn't have been able to.

    That frustrated Joan to no end. Orderly, neat, scheduled Joan felt that if she hadn't been insane before they locked her in here, she most certainly would get there- and fast.

    _How long has it been?_ Joan strained to think. She looked to the window at the back of her cell at the tick marks scratched into the glass by previous inhabitants of the room. _Not a bad idea,_ she thought to herself. Her normally clear, calculated thoughts were scrambled and hazy. She felt a surge of frustration emerge from the pit of her stomach, but it was quickly overtaken by the effects from the sedatives the nurses had been pumping her full of at med-pass time. The pills had not been part of her plan. She couldn't think, which meant she couldn't PLAN, and if she couldn't plan, she couldn't get the hell out of this mess.

     She hadn't initially needed chemical intervention. Her first night had been relatively uneventful; she had been booked, processed, and thrown into the Slot in her own prison after the fire. They had let her shower the soot off of her body and out of her hair. It had felt glorious; despite the lack of privacy. She hated being dirty. Her initial plan was to lay low; to stay calm and collected, so she could carefully weave her web of lies to pin the fire on Jess Warner. She had been doing well, too. It wasn't until Dad had come to pay her a visit that she had gotten... so _upset_.

    The prison nurse and a psychiatrist had watched the CCTV feed from her cell transfixed, as Joan stalked around her cell, shouting at a fixed point in the corner of her room, as if someone was standing there with her in her isolated cell. Mostly defeated accusations and self-deprecating statements, Joan had finally worked herself up to the point where she had, yet again, lost all control. Sobbing, she had slid down the wall until she came to an abrupt crash on her rear. The staff only intervened when Joan began to slowly bang the back of her head against the cinderblock wall, each impact a little more forceful than the previous one.

    That had been the second night. She had spent it in Psych in a soft cell.

    The soft cell ordeal had lasted only the one night. Or maybe it had just been an hour, she wasn't sure. They had immediately sedated her. Regardless, she would call Day 2 "Soft Cell Day" so she could better keep track. She made a mental note to find something very soon that she could use to scratch her own ticks onto the window. Soft Cell Day had to have been yesterday, because she clearly remembered that they had served her pasty oatmeal and a soggy orange when she had been returned to her cell this morning. That had been her first actual meal here that she hadn't refused.

    Yes, she knew now for certain. She had been here, in HER prison, in the Slot, for three days. And not once, in those whirlwind of almost 72-hours of confinement, had the newly appointed governor-her old muse, her hated but her beloved- Vera Bennett, come to pay her respects.

\--

    Joan awoke to the jingling of keys and the clang of the lock turning. She had been dreaming she had the keys to let herself out, and Governor Joan was hurrying to come help Inmate Joan out of the cell. Now, as the cell door squeaked open, she quickly sat up. Running a hand through her tousled black hair, she squinted at the door frame as it opened and a piercing sliver of hallway fluorescent cut through the black of her cell. It was late in the night, Joan's subconscious noted. She folded her long legs up so her knees covered her chest and peered expectantly at the small, shadow of a visitor

    "Ferguson."

     The hair on the back of Joan's neck stood on end, and she suddenly felt an internal surge of power that pulled her from the bed. She found herself unsteady at first, but quickly forced herself to stand firmly, back straight, hands loose beside her thighs. She licked her lips as her eyes adjusted to the light, and she surveyed her former deputy from the black high heels, over her governor-issued uniform, and finally into her pale blue eyes. 

     "Vera." Joan said finally, the name coming out more like a gust of wind

     "It's Governor." Vera said, bluntly.

     Joan made a noise that sounded like a snort, but it was almost inaudible. She closed her eyes as her tall body involuntarily swayed. She put her hand against a wall to steady herself and looked at Vera with contempt.  "Well, _Governor_ ," she emphasized, "Could you be so kind as to tell your drug-zealous nurse to hold her fire on the sedatives?"

     "And why would I do something like that? I like you better when you're like this- weak and unable to scheme and con and- hurt- people." she paused, her throat tightening. _No,_ Vera thought to herself, _You are in control here._ _You have the upper-hand._

 _"_ You've proven yourself a threat to others, as well as yourself-"

     "I've said it from the beginning, Vera!" Joan interjected, "I have hurt no one. Jess Warn-"

     "Yes, yes, 'Jess Warner started the fire', 'Jess Warner tried to kill the baby', Yes, Ferguson, I've seen your statement, but there are things you omitted, aren't there?"

     Joan's eyes narrowed at Vera, "How can you stand here and act as though I'm some sort of, of, of- a dangerous- MONSTER, when its me, Vera? It's me! We were friends! I cared about you! I-"

     "Stop!" Vera yelled. "You care for no one but yourself. I don't even think you care about yourself, honestly. You just have this- this _ridiculous_ sense of self-preservation...it's sick, Joan. You're sick. You talk to people that aren't even alive..."

    "YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT-" Joan swallowed hard, desperately fumbling through her whirling thoughts, trying to find the words and coming up empty-handed. "You don't know what you are saying." was all that came out.

     Vera opened her mouth to respond, but stopped short. She closed her mouth and just stared at the former governor. She had been quite the force to reckon with. It was almost sad to see her in this state.

    Joan hadn't realized that her eyes were closed until Vera snapped, "Ferguson!" - she had fallen asleep standing up for a fraction of a second. Now, her dark brown eyes snapped open, and she glared down at Vera. "You locked me in here like an animal. Have you just come to stare at me, hm? Come to yell and 'let me have it?' Am I some sort of an exhibit? Say something, Vera! You pathetic, mousy little shit! You had the audacity to tell me _I'm_ not fit to be governor? Look at you! Standing here, with your fancy new title and your fancy new suit. Ooo, Vera, if Mama could see you now, huh?" Ferguson laughed, an eerie, low laugh that shook Vera's nerves even further.

     "You can dress up a mouse, Vera. But it will still be a mouse." Joan licked her lips, enjoying this burst of lucidity. "A scared, tiny... _pointless,_ mouse. For shame, Vera. I thought you'd be more."

     Vera's jaw stiffened and she appraised Joan, cooly.

    "You no longer control me, Ferguson. I see now what I refused to see before. You- are completely out of your head. What you think is real, is a fantasy. Its all a huge-"she paused for a fraction of a second as the smug half-grin left Joan's face, " _mirage_ that you've thought up-a world that you created, where you are in absolute control; because in all reality, you are chaos, Joan. You are the disappointment. You don't have a family? Of course you don't! The only person you ever loved was killed because of a situation that YOU put her in!" Vera spat at Joan. Her chest heaved, she was out of breath, and out of artillery.

     Vera watched as Joan's eyes swept the walls slowly. She finally closed them softly and her knees began to shake. Instinctually, Vera reached out to steady the inmate, but it was too late. Joan sank to her knees and buried her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook as sobs began to wrack her body.

     "No! Nonononoo..." Joan wailed as she looked up at Vera and began shaking her head back and forth. Suddenly, her gaze moved beyond the new governor, to a fixed point on the wall beside Vera. Vera looked to where Joan was looking and then back.

     "You!" Joan shouted, and Vera jumped. "Its always been you, Dad! No! I didn't! I was in love with her! And you didn't- you NEVER accepted me!" Joan sobbed to the wall.

      _Another hallucination_. Vera was suddenly washed in an eerie feeling that felt like a mix between frustration, fear, and surprisingly- sympathy. Vera felt a very human need to protect all of the sudden. It was a familiar feeling, although she hadn't felt it since her mother was alive. As cruel as her mother had been to her, she still had felt driven to care for her and protect her; even love her. It was the way Vera was.

     The person on the ground in front of her was dangerous; full of hate and venom- but Vera had also known a different Joan at one time. One that had sparked something in Vera- something that had made her want to be _better_ ; a better officer, a better leader, a stronger person- Joan had done that for her. Something had happened to this human to make her the way she was. And Vera, although nowadays proven stronger and colder, felt sorrow for Joan, whether she wanted to or not.

     She slowly knelt down beside the taller woman, who was by now dissolved into hysterical, guttural, almost inhuman sobs. Her hands were tangled in her silver-threaded black hair, and she cried, rocking herself. Soundlessly, Vera stretched her hand out tentatively, pulling back at first, but finally laying it gently across Joan's shoulder.

    Joan jumped and toppled to her side, crying out, then she quickly scrambled back up into a sitting position, leaning against a wall. She looked terrified, defeated. 

    "Its ok. Its just me."

    Vera didn't know why she said it, but she felt like her body wasn't hers, she was just moving on instinct. Vera put her hand back on Joan's shoulder, gently, and began rubbing; squeezing rhythmically. 

     "Why, Vera?" Joan choked out, crumbling again against Vera's touch.  Vera used the opportunity to scoot closer to Joan. Still on her knees, Vera struggled to pull the larger woman down, so that Joan was curled up on the floor, her head in Vera's lap. She sobbed against the smooth, starchy fabric of Vera's trousers, her breaths hitched, her cries coming from the depths of her body.

    "Shhh" Vera softly shushed her, removing Joan's hands from her hair, smoothing the gnarled tresses as best she could. She didn't have an answer for 'Why'.

    She leaned over and whispered in Joan's ear, "I'm so sorry..." but she didn't know what she was apologizing for.

    She moved her hand up and down the length of Joan's upper arm, patting occasionally. Vera's hand drifted over Joan's broad back her fingers rubbing gentle circles around her shoulder blades. Surprisingly, she felt Joan relax to her touch. _Maybe she is human after all_. Vera felt a familiar, fluttery feeling in her lower stomach. With an internal sense of alarm, Vera realized that against her better judgment and understanding, she was becoming sexually aroused by the sight and feel of a very vulnerable Joan Ferguson. At the dawn of this realization, her pulse quickened and her throat grew dry, while the space between her legs grew damp.

    She licked her lips and heard Joan take a deep, shuddering breath and felt her move from her position. Joan sat up slowly. 

    Vera's beautiful eyes searched Joan's face, looking for a hint of the old Governor Ferguson. She still wasn't there. Her pale face was streaked with tears and red splotches. Her nose ran and her hair matted to her face. Her mournful eyes finally found Vera's. "I've-" Joan started, but her voice caught in her dry throat. She swallowed hard. Vera's eyes never left Joan's. 

   "I've always been..." Joan's voice cracked, "Such a disappointment- such a... _freak_!" she finally choked out.

   "No..." Vera said, catching Joan's face in her hands, pulling it upward gently. "Look at me."

    Her soft hand swept Joan's cheek, drying tears gently. 

     "You're not a freak, Joan."

    Joan brought her eyes to Vera's.

    "My Jianna said that to me once." She said plainly. Her eyes lingered on Vera's for awhile.

    Vera nodded and forced a small smile.

    Joan's eyes filled again and Vera saw her lower lip tremble. The butterflies returned, and before Vera could stop herself, her lips found Joan's in the dawning light that was beginning to filter into the small cell.

   She felt Joan's lips tremble against hers, but neither pulled away. Instead, Joan kissed her back, soft at first, but then with growing intensity. She leaned in, suddenly feeling a very human need to be closer to Vera, to feel her warmth, her touch; as if somehow Vera's body could provide Joan with the anecdote she needed to make it through this tumultuous turn her life had taken.

    Tears spilled as her eyes closed, leaving salty trails down Joan's face and sliding between both women's lips. Joan broke the kiss and buried her face in Vera's neck, breathing her in. She used her remaining physical strength to pull Vera even closer to her, and down to the cell's floor so that they were laying down. The younger woman wriggled upward to close the height gap between her and the former governor, placing her forehead gently against Joan's.  Vera pressed her hand to Joan's face and traced along her cheekbone with the pad of her thumb.

     Joan didn't understand how she could be craving this sort of intimacy; it wasn't a regular feeling for her. She thrived on dominance; control. It was too unlike her. Was it the isolation? The pills? The fear that she was losing her mind? Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't had contact like this with another person since her beloved Jianna.

_Jianna._

   The thought of her made Joan close her eyes. She could see her. Her soft curls, her perfect skin, her beautiful smile. Memories burst through the cloudiness of Joan's head, and overcome with lustful emotion, Joan pressed her body to Vera's, parting Vera's thighs with one of her own, pressing her knee gently against Vera's core.

   _Jianna_.

   The name swirled around inside of Joan's mind, and she saw the letters one by one as she feverishly kissed Vera.

   Reality blurred for Joan, and Vera's kisses and soft exhales became her Jianna's, and she got lost in the thought that this was her chance to make love to her one more time. She ran her hands across Jianna's small, perfect breasts, and imagined the brown nipple beneath her shirt hardening as her body responded to her lover's. Joan felt a welcomed heat stirring in her lower regions, and she felt herself become wet. Joan let her hands travel down the small body pressed against her. She repositioned her self slightly so that she could get her arm between them, and slid her large hand beneath the waistband of Jianna's trousers and panties. She carefully probed the outside of her lover's sex, rubbing the palm of her hand against her pubic bone, playing with the outer folds of the slick opening, occasionally inserting the tip of her finger to spread the delicious wetness around her hardening clitoris.

    Vera's breath caught as Joan's long, slender fingers explored her most sensitive region, and she felt herself opening to Joan; welcoming her fingers, tightening herself around them, enjoying the pleasure they were giving her. She moaned and kissed Joan's mouth, their tongues meeting and tasting each others. Down below, Joan's expert touch was beginning to drive Vera over the edge.

    Joan's eyes were still closed as she buried her face further into Vera's neck, her mind still seeing and feeling Jianna against her.

    Vera's hands slid up Joan's shirt and her small fingers skated up Joan's stomach to her full, bare breasts. She ran her fingernails lightly over Joan's nipples, feeling them harden to the touch. "Joan..." Vera breathed, as Joan began to massage her clitoris.

    "Yes. Yes, darling, its me." Joan whispered hoarsely into Jianna's ear. "I'm here."

    "Ohh...God, yes, Joan!" Vera exhaled sharply, her right hand shooting from beneath Joan's shirt and crashing against her own breast. Her left hand gripped Joan's shoulder as her hips raised to meet her quickening pace.  Joan heard Jianna's breathing turn to quick gasps as the beautiful woman had a body-shuddering orgasm that left her grinding herself against Joan's hand, moaning and gasping for air as her brain swam in the flood of endorphins that released themselves as she came.  "Joan." she heard her lover half-gasp, half whisper.

     Joan sought Jianna's lips and took them, kissing her deeply in response. 

     "Jianna." Joan breathed, drawing Vera to her chest.

     Suddenly, she felt the room grow still and Jianna was gone as fast as she had come.  The body in her arms stiffened and the grip the small hand had around Joan's waist loosened. 

     Joan froze, her breathing stopped, time stopped. 

_You're a freak, Joan. You're worthless. Pointless. No one will ever love you._

    Joan felt Vera wriggle out of her arms and sit up. She heard her say something to her, but couldn't make out quite what she was saying. It was all echoes. Joan closed her eyes and drew her body up so that she was hugging her knees. She tucked her head and her hair covered her face almost completely and began to rock herself slightly. 

    As her defeated mind slowed and exhaustion rushed in, Joan could make out Vera saying, "Joan- why?" but her voice was so far away that Joan didn't even know if she was even in the same room with her anymore. It was all the same; Joan didn't have an answer for 'Why', either.

\--

    The sun had come up a little more, and Joan's eyes fluttered open as it cast a bright orange glow across the top half of her face. The floor was cold and hard beneath her hips but she didn't yet have the strength to crawl over to the bed and climb into it. As her eyes closed to the brightness, she had one final thought before drifting back into a lucid sleep. 

     _This is Day 4. My Jianna came to see me today_.


End file.
